Redefining The Verb “To Kill”

Whether you are a teacher, a writer, or an avid reader, you have probably heard the advice “write what you know” and “write your passion.”  Suffice to say, my experience of the past seven weeks upholds these two sage recommendations — so much so, that I am evading my comprehensive exams at this very moment to sit down and post this blog.

Any day now (+7 for those who like to know the line) I will be snail mailing a three-ring binder filled with my thoughts on education in America today, and the education I received as a graduate student at Fordham University. I originally arrived at Fordham by way of an alternative licensing program called the New York City Teaching Fellows. The NYCTF are a lot like Teach for America, with the recruiting emphasis on staffing the most desperate schools in the nation’s largest school district.  In the near-ish future, I will return to share my thoughts on some of these topics. Today, however, I blog to AVOID tediously implementing all the changes made in red on my fourth draft of questions 1, 2, and 5.

I PROCRASTINATE to tell you one of the things I enjoy most: Having a laugh at serious issues.  Since Aristophanes’ Lysistrata, comedic writers and cathartic actors have sought to alleviate human suffering and change minds by using laughter as an almost medicinal “perspective modifier.” Earlier this week, as I struggled to convince the hamster in my mind to jump back onto its academic wheel, that furry little free-thinker decided instead to gets its cardio on while watching Tracy Ullman, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert. “Hammy the Hamster” went on to compose five, first draft monologues in case his human ever decides to slay her stage fright and kill an audience.

That’s right, I said “kill an audience” (which is similar to “blowing up a stage”).  I propose that we begin today to shift the consciousness and meaning of the verb kill. Instead of ranking fourth or lower in dictionaries, from this day forward, the first definition of the verb kill should be: To make another person laugh so hard that s/he is brought to tears and/or experiences physical pain. Remember: No pain, no gain! Laughter strengthens muscle in both your face and abdominal region. I suggest we keep the morbid verb “murder,” as the primary definition for what “kill” used to mean.

In honor of my decision to try and change the main meaning of the verb kill, I leave you with “Achmed the Dead Terrorist” by comedian and ventriloquist Jeff Dunham.  In less than 11 minutes, “Achmed the Dead Terrorist” challenges dozens of somber topics by “killing” his audience with his human’s sharp-witted writing and impeccable timing.  Suicide bombing and hotlines, ethnic, racial and gender stereotypes are all addressed in a manner that turns these hot-button issues into hilarious thought-provokers — which is exactly what makes comedy such an important art.

Before viewing the video link in this blog post, please note that “Achmed The Dead Terrorist” contains adult language and subject matter.